ten on ten

ten ON ten . boom .

that's right folks. your eyes do not deceive you. it is in fact the 10th. and for the momentous occasion of actually completing something on time, i decided to go with something totally unrelated to children. i think these 10 on 10s are generally supposed to be introspective. feeding your own creativity. taking time out of work to take pictures of your own kids. daily life. all that. i don't really ever shoot anything with this project in mind. i just sort of use this day to showcase things i've been working on. ways in which i'm stretching and working through growing pains.

i felt sort of dormant after this summer. don't get me wrong, summer is a beautiful time to shoot. but alone time is few and far between for me and with both kids home all summer, well, there are only so many summer photos one can take. i was wanting to put myself into a more vulnerable situation with my subjects than at the beach. babies and sand shovels and all that. i know that a photographer i really admire says that the way to burning out is not to shoot for yourself. personal projects. 100 strangers, 365 photo a day, etc. i've never really done that. sometimes when i try and think of things i just feel like they're played out. i still haven't found *the* project that i feel really inspires me. or maybe i have and i just haven't found my way to it yet. but one thing i felt was sure, i need to force myself to photograph something that wasn't families, weddings, parties, babies, plants, flowers, a cup of coffee, etc. so i asked my friend, who i know is comfortable, mostly, in front of the camera, if she and her hot sexy EMT boyfriend would let me come over for breakfast early one morning.

i really and truly don't know why i did this. i can't say i went into it expecting anything, good or bad. i thought maybe i would just completely botch it, waste the time, be too afraid to really make anything of it. looking back at the time as a whole, of course i would change things, i would push boundaries a little more...maybe. even still. while i was there i felt almost as though i wanted to just whisper. i wanted to be so unintentional. i wanted to see how intimate the moments could get without me doing a thing. or maybe i was too afraid to be an influence, though of course just by being there i am. when i got home and looked at the pictures i almost couldn't take it. i closed them immediately. it was completely amazing to me how beautiful some of them were. i felt too nervous to look at all of them. to find out that i had just...shit the bed. ruined them all. missed the point. these were shot in august, i just processed them last week.

i am so proud of them and of myself. for putting myself into a weird, awkward situation and making beauty with it. finding beauty in being with people in those uncomfortably wonderful moments. but of course the real test is what these photos make them feel...

these aren't boudoir. i don't know what they are. i don't know how it will move forward. but whatever first step this is, here it is.

follow the circle and see what fabulous Jen was up to this month!


10 on 10 | or why you shouldn't invite me to projects

do i SUCK?! like completely and totally SUCK?! is it the fucking 13th?! why do i continue to set myself up for failure?!?! back in august, before my kid turned 7 (7?!?!?), i knew we were planning to head to NH to hit up storyland for big dude's birthday. last year's birthday slipped through the cracks financially and i was feeling major guilt to make this year AWESOME. but, and i'm sure this will shock you guys, i left it all to the last minute. and my kid's birthday is on labor day weekend. needless to say that on THURSDAY, when this all hit me, i panicked big time. luckily, or miraculously, i was able to find a little cottage/motel reasonably priced and close to storyland. the planets were aligning, this was happening.

but before all that, i had planned for this trip to be my 10 on 10 post. i have a traveling soul and when i'm stationary for too long my mind and heart wander to far away places and i long to just pick up my camera, my kids, my husband and run to the farthest corners of the earth. for now, new hampshire was going to have to do. this trip sent a little alarm bell to the artist in me. and i'm so lucky that mister chris, the husband, is so supportive. so when i say "HOLY SHIT THE LIGHT! CAN WE PULL OVER?!?! PLEASE!? PLEASE?! JUST FOR A SECOND?!?!" he and the boys totally oblige.

this our family only vacation (which was two days mind you. we broke folk find two days away a freaking dream!) was a first and meant so much more than just heading up to storyland. this last year has been one of the hardest my husband and i have faced as a couple. and i'm not going to lie, about 3-4 months ago, shit.got.real. looking ahead to fall and the start of school felt like enough to suffocate me. there was a whole big bang where everything hit the fan, and then my husband reminded me, and himself, why he married me and why we started this family and this life. a lot of hard fucking work was done. so to see us here. to look at these images. it gives me a deep happiness that is beyond words and it swells inside me and makes me want to make everything about our life better.

and oh yeah. it's like WAY more than 10 pictures long.

follow the circle and check out what Amy's up to this month!