i was sending over some photos of flowers to a friend. and found this set that i guess i had meant to blog. it's currently raining outside. on top of 24 inches of snow. a beautiful, cool afternoon in june. spent in a tiny row garden in Cambridge, MA.
sigh.
isabel
on a quiet morning a few weeks back, i did something new.
finding ways to get more intimate with my work. more later.
isabel
i came back to photography out of desperation. our family was struggling financially and i was just...struggling. i needed something for myself, but i couldn't stand the thought of going back to nannying, retail, food services. i had never once chosen to go forth with something for the sheer fact that i enjoyed it. i was sick of hearing myself whisper to people with DLSRs how much i wish i could have one too. how much i longed to be documenting with more than my point and shoot. i could never convey why it made a difference, and i suppose it doesn't. maybe it just did, for me, then. my time spent with this craft has taught me a lot. when i first got my camera i thought i had to know all the actions and have the cutest blog and find the best font to type my name across an image that no one in their right mind would give a shit about having or stealing or publishing. i realized, i guess, at some point, that i was surrounding myself with all the wrong stuff, the wrong people, the wrong expectations of how to live life with this craft. i don't want to have the most evenly lit portraits, i love shadows. i love depth. i love story. i love the raw, real light of any given moment. one of my favorite photogs, Catherine Abegg, recently wrote a post about the why. WHY do we shoot and what do we get out of it? it hasn't left me and i've been letting it simmer ever since. i think i do it because i want to see parts of my children that i feel my parents never saw in me. i want to see the deepest beauty and hopes and dreams that they have in their little bodies. i want to see them stripped down and bare so i can know the best way to love them, to support them, to foster the passions they have within them. i want to connect in a deep, intimate way that i feel i never got to when i was their age. i am fascinated with childhood and family and so it allows me a closeness to it all. and that translates to when i'm shooting for work. i want to see a you that you do not allow yourself to see. that you are afraid to see, to embrace. a beauty and comfort inside of you. i want you to know you have it. when i'm shooting Sheryl and food, i want it to scream that she loves what she is doing, her delicate and patient detail to the placement of each tomato or piece of parsley or dollop of cream. i want to convey her passion for food, the beauty of it and the science.
one photographer i have fallen head over heels for, Deb Schwedhelm, recently posted a video clip of an interview with my absolute favorite photographer, Sally Mann. i have so many concepts i want to explore. i love how she explains why she went after death. just...to see. to see what happens. i have often fantasized about photographing crime scenes. isn't that weird?! i wish more than anything i could tag along with police regularly. and i'm not talking about the Wellesley police. i don't know what i hope to see, or do, or shoot. i just...want to go. i just want to see. i just want to take my camera and go and see what i learn about people and life and death. probably watched too many crime dramas at a young age. har har.
i recently took this image while visiting one of my best friends down on the cape. where she lives. she is my water friend. i have no other friend that is as deeply connected to the water as my friend Erica. her kids are like tadpoles. and know nothing but splashing and flopping in water. they can swim better and are braver in the water than i am. than i may ever be. she is one with the water and her kids are a reflection of the peace, tranquility and safety she feels in it. i have been photographing her and her kids ever since i've known them, almost 4 years. and never have i taken a photo of Erica that i feel is so purely her. for a moment she let her guard down and i saw her. i love this image. all i ever want to see on the other side of the lens is you. who you are, not who you think you should be, wearing what you think you should be wearing, posing how you think you should be posing. just you.
aren't i so super deep and reflective?! isabel
my day (unfortunately) has been starting off at the computer. the kids rattle the door until i peel my eyelids back, search for my glasses and stumble to the bathroom. i drag myself to the office, turn on the computer, check email and scan facebook. 3 years ago when i began my self taught journey into digital i "liked" a LOT of photographers on facebook. a lot of them have since faded into the background, but occasionally i'll wake up to a west coast photog blogging about something that i can read in the morning. this was one of those mornings. her post was titled something like "what kind of photographer i am" she writes about the difference between portraits and lifestyle and posts a few examples of each. how she says she processes photos taken in the home (mostly b/w because who can manage skin tones inside?!) and which she likes more and all that. ya know sometimes you read something and it just sort of tucks itself into a fold of your brain and annoys you all day? this was that thing. this blog post had totally gotten me thinking and i couldn't stop. it's a long conversation i've been having with myself. i was getting lost in the throes of motherhood and wifehood and so i had to grab onto something and photography was the friend i'd been missing. it sometimes gets jumbled up with my other life responsibilities such as feeding my kids, paying some bills, etc. in the three years since i've started i've learned a lot about what *i* like to shoot, how i like to shoot and if someone hires me, what are the images i'm hoping to capture for them? so part of my brain is filled with this blog post. the other part is filled with something a local photog posted maybe 2 years ago. she posted a picture of her son at the beach. i really thought it was the most gorgeous photo ever. a candid portrait of her son, hair blowing in the wind, looked like sunset with that warm glow. and below she said she rarely posted pics of her kids but she just loved this one of her son and then finished with : of course i would never give this quality image to a client! too messy and i totally blew the red channel!
red channel? huh?
i guess that makes me a sloppy photographer. maybe careless. i get my settings and then we just play. it might be sunset, the light might be deliciously pink, and i'll still give you that photo. if i'm looking at two photos of your children and one is all of them looking in 6 different directions, wonky teeth hanging out, smiles and giggles dripping off the page, and the other is them sitting, all looking forward, hands folded, mouths tight, i'm going to pick the silly one. i use VSCO because film was my first love. i leave the grain because it feels imperfect and so are we all.
i've long struggled with calling myself a portrait photographer. i'd much rather be called a fly on the wall photographer. the kid whisperer photographer? i'm the photographer you want to hire when you want your life photographed. not your fancy shirts and the perfect beach right down the street and that adorable radio flyer prop you bought (although, damn, is a picture ever hurt by radio flyer love?! no way) take me out for ice cream, let me photograph your chocolate mustache and baby fingers covered in gooey, creamy goodness. let me just be there and i'll show you all the beauty that is living in your everyday.
ok, but this does all tie into some awesome photos. the other day we were at the beach with friends and a neighbor of hers came down with his three boys. they caught my eye immediately. aged 7, 5 and 4, or something along those lines. one toehead with the most amazing blue eyes, a little hazelnut creature with brown eyes that drank up the light and an older brother with a wonky tooth. all jumping off a boogie board, bobbing and dipping below the water, red eyes from exploring below the surface. and i thought to myself, if my husband was down here with my boys, doing something that is so obviously habitual, a ritual of love, i would want that captured. if i was his wife, i wouldn't be hoping for a photo of my boys at this stage in life all dressed and combed and in coordinating outfits. i would be hoping for THIS.
these photos were shot in about 10 minutes. i would consider every one of these client worthy. but i can't say whether or not i blew the red channel. and i definitely don't care.
-isabel