for a good chunk of months now, i've not been feeling like myself. my little family of four is staring down a few very big choices and my brain feels muddled. but before any of that even happened i was going through something that i think, and know, a lot of photographers go through. see, before we decided to make this a business, and by we i mean the photographers that commiserate with my feelings, we did this for love. we did it because we saw something magical in our own lives, something we wanted to capture, to remember, to share. we did it because someone we love did it, we did it because we had a baby and experienced the magic of childhood and what being a parent means, we did it because we majored in it in art school. no matter the path to photography, we all started this well before anyone was willing to pay us for it.
the shift from hobby to profession, for me at least, has been a struggle. i find myself staring at photographs that photographers who i admire have taken and suddenly i'm thrust down the chute of self doubt. i don't want to look up in another year and say "well, i'm still just photographing what i think people think i should be photographing" and ugh, what kind of boring existence is that? i don't like posed portraits. there, i said it. in fact, i really DISlike them. you know what i want? to shoot an entire session of a family in their PJs, half in bed and half making pancakes. FAMILY?? ARE YOU OUT THERE?? CONTACT ME! you know what i want? to shoot siblings in a beautiful bubble filled bath tub. FAMILY?? DO YOU EXIST??? CONTACT ME!
we all know babies sleep, well, sometimes. we all know they curl up into tiny bundles as they did in the womb. do i think those photos are amazing and gorgeous? definitely. do i have the patience or creativity for that particular avenue of photography? no. no way. yes, babies look gorgeous when they sleep, but what did they look like when they flailed their tiny limbs about and wrinkled their faces like old men? do you remember those first weeks when you were surrounded by hospital blankets, congratulatory balloons that are loosing their oomph in the corner. remember when your older son hopped in bed and scooped up the baby? remember when he took off all his clothes when he saw the photographer? the sheets were a little wrinkled and the light wasn't perfect, but the moment was.
my sessions are going to look different from here on out. and if you contact me for a family session, and i ask you to please prepare for an ice cream party in your kitchen, or get supplies for smores or take me to your favorite restaurant that you go to as a family, just do it. i promise, it's worth it.
here is phin at home. with his mom. and his brother. and his dog.